“While my parents are happy, I could never imagine marrying a complete stranger.”Ī second type could be called a soft-arranged marriage. “My parents just spoke on the phone once” said Ajay Patel, a freshman at Penn State who is currently in a relationship with Karina Patel, a senior at Bryn Mawr. Basically, the couple is not involved in any part of the planning of the wedding. ![]() The parents of the couple plan everything, such as when and where the wedding takes place and where the couple will live after they get married. In a traditional arranged marriage, the parents pick whom their child marries by meeting with the potential spouse’s family and the potential spouse first. The respondents view of marriage fell into three categories: traditional arranged marriage, “soft arranged marriage”, and love marriage. Forty-seven percent were against arranged marriages and another 10 percent listed themselves as ‘strongly against’. Two percent said they were “strongly in favor” of having an arranged marriage while 41 percent were in favor. The survey asked the respondents to rank their views on the general practice of arranged marriage. Close to 80% of the participants’ parents currently live in America. About 75 percent said that their parents had traditional arranged marriages. Their responses were anonymous, but respondents were able to leave comments.Ībout 65 percent of those surveyed were born in America and 65 percent the total said they do date or have dated. ![]() Sixty seven responses were received, 59 of them women and 8 of them men. In addition, an open Facebook event was created encouraging South Asian students to participate. The survey was distributed via the email list serves of South Asian affinity groups, such as Bryn Mawr College’s South Asian Women (SAW) and Haverford College’s South Asian Students (SAS). To find out more about views on arranged marriage, a recent survey of South Asians, most of them students at Bryn Mawr and Haverford, polled them on their views on dating and marriage. So while individuals like Sarah and Imran end up choosing potential partners who are the same ethnic background, the way they made their choices and the timing still depart from traditional arranged marriage. When children of immigrants do not submit to their parents’ authority, they are described as being “too American”. “We have a two-year plan”, chuckled Imran. Sarah and Imran know they want to marry each other but have agreed that after Imran completes medical school they will reveal their relationship to their parents. Although Sarah’s parents are not opposed to her dating, they would rather “save her reputation” by formalizing the relationship as an engagement. Imran’s father wants him to focus on studies and believes that his son is not in a position to take on a relationship. Imran’s parents are against dating because they view it as a possible distraction from studies. So why do they hide that their relationship? They share the same background and fit their parents’ criteria for potential spouses. ![]() ![]() Sarah and Imran both are children of Bengali immigrants. In South Asian culture, it is believed that an arranged marriage preserves cultural and class traditions, as well as serves as a “knot” that ties two families together. In an arranged marriage, the parents choose whom their child will marry. Marriage in South Asia is viewed as a binding relationship between the two families of the wedded, and traditional arranged marriages have been part of the culture for thousands of years. Sarah and Imran are just some of many children of South Asian immigrants who find themselves stuck between the American and South Asian ideals of love and marriage. While Imran sits alone in Canaday Library, at Bryn Mawr College, Sarah sneaks away to the library stacks to work on Imran’s anniversary gift.īeing secretive is not new to this couple this anniversary also marks a year of keeping the relationship a secret from their parents. Imran attends Rice University in Texas, but flew to Philadelphia to spend time with Sarah while they worked on their exams together. Sarah Aziz and Imran Khalid’s first anniversary is quickly approaching - not their wedding anniversary, but one year since they started dating. Note: The names in this story were changed at the request of the sources in exchange for their candor on this topic.
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